Happy Birthday to Me!

Today was my 20th birthday!  As my cousin says, I'm officially out of the nursery!  Birthdays have always been a big deal in my family.  We love to celebrate, well anything!  So I have been counting down the days to my birthday celebration since the beginning of the month.  I've even gone elementary in telling my college classmates to "Guess what?! My birthday's this Friday!"

However, when I woke up this morning I didn't feel like a 20 year old should, unless they're more nauseated than I've been told.  Yep, it was my special day, and I felt as sick as a dog.  And when I get extremely sick, I tend to be really still and quite, kinda like a vegetable, maybe like broccoli or spinach, they're nauseating enough.  So my poor parents wished me a happy birthday and all I could honestly do was smile a thanks.

Pretty soon it was time to get ready for work, and I was beginning to debate whether or not I should even go, but I knew seeing the kids would be good for my morale.  And I'm so glad I did.  My mom and grandmother brought a beautiful teacher themed cake up to the school to share with my students.  We had a mini party in the classroom, and the kids sang to me, gave me more hugs and love than I could almost stand!  One of my first grade girls said, "Miss Stephanie, this is one of the best parties I have ever been to!  Thank you for bringing your cake and sharing it with us."  I had to agree with her, it was one of the best parties I had ever been to as well.  Not because of a fancy cake, decorations, games, or gifts (because their weren't any), but because of the love that was in the celebration.

Although I was disappointed that I didn't necessarily feel up to celebrating 20 years of life, I am certainly grateful to God that He has given them to me.  I know that it was because of Him that I had such a good time at the party today, I could feel Him in the room amongst the kids.  I am forever thankful for those students and for loving parents!  So Happy 20th Birthday to me!

My God is Good All the Time

I am exhausted.  But this time, it's because I had such a wonderful day!  Last week my spirits were down, and I cried out to God for help and hope.  As always, He doesn't answer me right away like I want Him too, but waits for His perfect timing.  Three days later, I was miraculously bubbly and chipper! I was no less sicker, but my spirit was being restored, just as I had asked.

I went further and asked my God if He could let me know somehow that He was there for me.  I wanted to feel something tangible.  Today, He answered my prayer.  It snowed close to 5 inches in Elba, Alabama!  My dad woke me up at 7:00 and there was this beautiful, white miracle outside my window!  Snow has always been important to me, and I'm not sure why.  I guess because it's a rare phenomenon here in South Alabama.  But I think it is really because there is something heavenly about watching snow fall.  

I couldn't help but squeal in delight when I saw the glistening blanket covering our land!  Each snowflake that touched me felt like a small kiss from God, letting me know He cared. I couldn't stop thanking God for this glorious gift!  I couldn't stop smiling all day; my spirit is healed and I feel renewed.

I spent the rest of the day with family making a giant snowman, engaging in a snowball fight, aiding in building a snow fort, sledding and surfing through the snow blanket, and trying to capture this day with my camera.  I had just a blessed day, and I felt the presence of God in every part of it.

God, thank you for answering my prayer in such an unexpected way! I am grateful that you gave me the patience to wait for You.  Thank you so so so much for mending my broken spirit!  You are such an amazingly wonderful Father!  I pray that this relationship that we have now will not fade!  Please hold me accountable so that I will not drift from Your ways.  Continue to guide me!  Thank you for loving me even though I am unlovable!  Thank you God, for I have learned that You do answer prayers in Your perfect time!

Dear God

I'm sick.  Not to state the obvious, but I'm really sick.  It's 4:00, and I should be at work.  But I just can't make it.  I'm getting worse.  I can feel it.  I dry-heaved so hard the past couple of days that my nose bled.  When I pray for the vomiting to stop, Lord, that's not exactly what I had in mind.  The nausea keeps me awake at night, and I'm sore from sleeping upright in my dad's recliner.  I'm physically and mentally tired.  Even my bones seem heavy.  One of my main motivations for toughing it out each day is being able to work with the kids each day.  It gives me purpose.  But now as I am becoming sicker, work is becoming harder for me to manage.  Being unable to work today has been an emotional straw that has broken my spirit's back.  I need God.

Dear God, 

You are everything, and I am nothing.  I need you more than ever.  I'm so tired, God!  The stress of the sickness is leading me to despair.  I want so much to glorify Your name, but I feel like I don't have the energy.  That's no excuse, I know, but I'm just being honest.  I need Your help, God.  It's YOU who gets me through the day, and it's YOU I want to live for.  You alone are my strength, and I ask that You bless me with that strength.  Give me the courage to praise Your wonderful name when I am down; equip me with a spirit that can always proclaim, "It is well with my soul!" even the circumstances seem to disagree.  Lord, please forgive my weakness! I don't want to become  fair-weather Christian that worships only in calm waters.  Inspire me, God, to shout to You, to love You, to praise You when I am shipwrecked in an untamed sea!  I want to live for You, and You alone, God.  You are all I'll ever need.  If I am never healed, I will be okay, because I have You.  Thank you for hearing me! It comforts me to know that You are there.  I ask, dear God, that when I have days like today, when the life is overwhelming, that You wrap me in Your arms, and please God, never let go!  I need Your encouragement.  Sometimes I just wish that I could walk to Your throne, and crawl up into Your heavenly lap.  You are such a gracious Father!  Thank you for all the blessings You have given me so freely!  I don't deserve to have a Father as perfectly wonderful as You!  Thank you for saving me so that we can always be together!  Shine upon me!  Give me Your strength so that I can carry on Your will!  Thank you, Lord, for this burden I bear, I have learned so much about You through this illness!  I am more than thankful for the experience of knowing You better.  Enable my family and I to persevere through this disease so that Your name can be praised!  Just tell me what to do, God.  I live only for You.

Your humble, grateful, and loving daughter,

Stephanie