3 Year Anniversary Festivities

I must say that it has been quite the week.  Sunday, March 21, 2010 marked the third anniversary of our ("Jon" and me) nauseating relationship.  I have to admit that we celebrated with a bang.  Sunday afternoon I suffered from severe abdominal pain and overwhelming nausea, so I spent most of the day huddled in the bathroom.  (Sorry Jon, I didn't get you anything.)  I'm ashamed to say that if Satan seized this opportunity to deflate my optimism, his sharp blade of hopeless worked on me. 

For the rest of the week, I have been trying to recover, but all I seem to do is mope or complain because the nausea is so bad.  I even found myself frustrated with God, the only One who will always be there for me and help me through this hard time.  Gee Steff, that was smart.  When I went to the dentist Monday to check out the damage the acid from vomiting had done to my teeth, we discovered that no damage had been done whatsoever.  They were in perfect condition!  But instead of praising God for His divine protection, I found myself questioning His plan.  "God, if you are protecting my body from the damage of this illness, then why not just cure me all together!  Why do I have to still be sick?"

I'll admit, I was mad with Him.  How foolish I am!  I'm surprised God just doesn't jerk a knot in me!  I know I would if I were Him.  However, He chose to speak through Gatlin by saying, "Well I'd rather have some protection then none at all."  Hmm...you got me there, God.  I was too busy looking at the misery of my situation to look at the miracles in my situation.  God has been protecting me.  He has never left me, and will never leave me.  I just have to learn to both trust and accept His mysterious plan for my life.  One of my biggest mistakes that I made this week was allowing anger and hopelessness to enter my mind when all I had to do was replace those feelings with God's peace and hope by simply reading His work and talking to Him in prayer.

Oh God, don't let me focus on my suffering ever again!  Help me to clearly see the work you have done in my life through this illness so that I may instead focus on that.  Thank you for Your perfect patience and understanding with me!  Please forgive me God, for ever doubting Your will.  I  know now without a doubt that You know exactly what is best for me and I trust completely that Your plan will be fulfilled in me so long as I stay out of Your way.  Thank you for allowing me to continue this spiritual refining process, don't give up on me yet!  I love you, Lord.  Thank you!

Just a Word of Thankful Praise

The past couple of weeks, I have been in what I like to call a health rut.  I feel sicker than normal, which I'm afraid makes less of joy to be around since the illness tends to put me in my vegetative state.  However, today, though I am still physically sick, I feel more than a fruit than a vegetable! :-)  Christ referred to a tree (me) planted by water (the Word of God) would bear fruit.  These fruits can be patience, perseverance, compassion, self-control, peace, joy, and more.  I am thriving on peace today.  The sun is shining and my toes are out, and I can feel my burdens melting away.  Though I feel sicker than ever, I know God has me right in the palm of His hand.  I so grateful that He has given me this internal peace and strength to continue each day.

I honestly don't think that I could survive this illness without my parents.  I can't sleep in my bed at night due to the overwhelming nausea, so I have to sleep in the recliner in the den.  Last night my parents argued over which one would sleep on the couch in the room with me so I wouldn't be alone.  Almost every night that I have to sleep in the chair, Mom or Dad is right there with me.  They sacrifice so much for me, and I know that the love they have for me comes directly from the Heavenly Father.  I can't ever thank God enough for the wonderful family He has given me.

I am also thankful for Christopher Gatlin Carnley.  He has stood by me truly through thick or thin.  It seems sometimes that he spends more time lying and waiting outside my bathroom door than having fun with me.  His nurturing nature comforts me when I'm down, and his great sense of humor keeps me smiling.

God has given me more than I can ever ask for in the people He has surrounded me with.  Thank you, Father, for blessing me with caring family and friends!  Thank you for the much needed warm sunshine today!  I can never thank you enough.  Even though I am not worthy, take me, all of me, and use me for Your glory!  I love you, Lord!