3 Year Anniversary Festivities

I must say that it has been quite the week.  Sunday, March 21, 2010 marked the third anniversary of our ("Jon" and me) nauseating relationship.  I have to admit that we celebrated with a bang.  Sunday afternoon I suffered from severe abdominal pain and overwhelming nausea, so I spent most of the day huddled in the bathroom.  (Sorry Jon, I didn't get you anything.)  I'm ashamed to say that if Satan seized this opportunity to deflate my optimism, his sharp blade of hopeless worked on me. 

For the rest of the week, I have been trying to recover, but all I seem to do is mope or complain because the nausea is so bad.  I even found myself frustrated with God, the only One who will always be there for me and help me through this hard time.  Gee Steff, that was smart.  When I went to the dentist Monday to check out the damage the acid from vomiting had done to my teeth, we discovered that no damage had been done whatsoever.  They were in perfect condition!  But instead of praising God for His divine protection, I found myself questioning His plan.  "God, if you are protecting my body from the damage of this illness, then why not just cure me all together!  Why do I have to still be sick?"

I'll admit, I was mad with Him.  How foolish I am!  I'm surprised God just doesn't jerk a knot in me!  I know I would if I were Him.  However, He chose to speak through Gatlin by saying, "Well I'd rather have some protection then none at all."  Hmm...you got me there, God.  I was too busy looking at the misery of my situation to look at the miracles in my situation.  God has been protecting me.  He has never left me, and will never leave me.  I just have to learn to both trust and accept His mysterious plan for my life.  One of my biggest mistakes that I made this week was allowing anger and hopelessness to enter my mind when all I had to do was replace those feelings with God's peace and hope by simply reading His work and talking to Him in prayer.

Oh God, don't let me focus on my suffering ever again!  Help me to clearly see the work you have done in my life through this illness so that I may instead focus on that.  Thank you for Your perfect patience and understanding with me!  Please forgive me God, for ever doubting Your will.  I  know now without a doubt that You know exactly what is best for me and I trust completely that Your plan will be fulfilled in me so long as I stay out of Your way.  Thank you for allowing me to continue this spiritual refining process, don't give up on me yet!  I love you, Lord.  Thank you!