Tammy

I haven't written in my blog for a while.  To be perfectly honest, I'm still processing what's been happening.  A lot has transpired within the last month. Let me try to sort it out.

The third week of August, we finally had an appointment with a physician, Dr. Abell, at the University Hospital in Jackson, MS.  He has been working with patients just like me for ever 40 years!  After our consult, he ranked me a 9 on severity on a 1-10 scale, which actually made me feel validated.  It wasn't in my head, and apparently I'm not a wimp either.  I really am sick.  After a series of tests, he put in a temporary stomach pacemaker, an invention of his own design.  It works just like a heart pacemaker, and it is intended to regulate the rhythm of my stomach.  (we found out that the rhythm of my stomach is extremely off beat! haha) The temporary had "sensors" so to speak attached to the walls of my stomach, and the pacemaker was dangling from my neck in a pouch.  All of these machinery was connected by over 5 feet of blue wire, most of which was hanging out of my nose.  Needless to say that I didn't go much anywhere until that thing was removed!  Unfortunately, the pacemaker did not produce the desired results as I continued to throw up.  Dr. Abell suspects that I may have an underlying autoimmune disease causing my severe nausea.  So he sent us to a neurologist that is a member of his team, and now Dr. Veta ran more tests.  His were much more unpleasant.  My personal favorite is what my family calls the "taser test" because that's what was used to test the nerve responses in my hands, legs, and feet, nothing more than a fancy taser.  I even had a burn on my leg from that test!  He required more bloodwork so he could run more specific tests. 

We are currently waiting for the results. I honestly feel like I am in some sort of limbo land.  We have nothing to do, but sit and wait until we get the results back, and we meet with Dr. Abell again.  While I was in the hospital, we met another lady with similar symptoms to me.  her name is Tammy Briggs.  She's been suffering with her condition for 10 years.  She also cannot eat, and instead of throwing her food up, the food will not pass, causing it to build in the stomach.  This is extremely painful for her.  I can relate.  It felt good to meet someone like me.  She just called me.  She had the permanent pacemaker put in Monday.  The recovery from the surgery is very painful.  But she was calling to see how I was doing, and if I had any questions she could ask the doctors about.  After I hung up with her, I started crying.  I want nothing else, just for her to get better.

I'm still trying to process how I feel about everything.  I just don't know.  I can't describe my emotions, so I react by burying myself deep in Troy's school work and lesson plans for the children.  I can feel myself running out of energy.  But I'm scared that if I ever slow down, I'll get depressed because I don't know what lies in my future.  I truly feel that I will never be rid of this disease, but I hope that God provides a way for me to make it through each day.  He's done good so far.  I know He's here with me on both the bad days and good.  I hope that I remain true to His Word, and I hope He gives me the courage to face my fears and emotions head on so that my spirit can heal. I love this verse in Job, "Shall we just accept the good from God and not the adversity?"  That is true for me, and all of us.  I tend to only want to take the good days to praise God's name, but I don't want to take the bad.  This verse has reminded me that God is ALWAYS there right by my side during the times when I'm too sick to move.  During those times I need to be more like Job, and praise His name rather than focus on self-pity.  I pray that I can glorify His name, even though I am not worthy!

(on a much lighter note: my parents, through God, bought me a 2011 Limited Hyundai Tuscon last week!!! I LOVE it so much! I feel both safe and comfortable in it! I intend to drive it until the wheels fall off!)