Word of God Speak

It's been a while since I have been able to blog, mostly because when you live out in the boondocks you have to take what you can get with the available high-speed internet. I've had a l0t on my mind, and no good way to actually express my feelings with words. However, I will give it my best shot.

I feel like I'm getting worse and worse, which makes me feel rather lethargic, a fact which I am ashamed to say. I really just wanna stay in my pjs, curl up in my recliner bed, and watch pointless tv. I hate that I feel this way because my grandmamas get out in their yards and work no matter how they feel. If they're tough, then maybe I'm not. I'm simply tired. I'm not giving up, but I'm not trying either. I'm at a standstill. That's a yucky position to be in, especially spiritually.

Lately, I've been too sick to sleep, let alone stay asleep, so I've had some long nights really some extra pointless tv. However, one late night, I decided to confront my idleness. And I was honest with God. Since my internet was down ,I journaled: God feels a million miles away from me. But I know that it's me that's moved, not God. I haven't talked to him in a while, I honestly don't know what to say to Him. I'm so sick and tired, and I just don't know what to say. But I want to restore my relationship with Him; I must get it right.
God, speak to me again! I don't know what to do without You! I want You to be the one to guide my steps, to direct my path. I am nothing, but You, You are everything!

I keep trying to make this illness all about me. It's not. It's about what God can do through me. I get discouraged because maintaining a relationship with God is difficult, especially when I wanna do is, well, nothing. But I need to speak to God, and use His strength rather than my own to survive. He's my Provider, He'll give me exactly what I need.

I've learned a lot through my sleepless nights, and not just that there's nothing good on at 3 in the morning. God's up at 3 right along with me, He never sleeps, and He never leaves me. Instead of self-soothing, I need to rest in the comforting arms of my Heavenly Father, let Him carry my burden a while. I have found that the best way to lighten my load and find encouragement is through His Word. I have found several verses that help keep me close to God.

Discouragement
Sometimes I feel discouraged, with me, with God, with my situations. Here is some hope to help overcome this feeling.

Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember Your kindness.
Psalm 42:6

Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again-my savior and my God!
Psalm 42:5

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

I am holding you by your right hand-I, the Lord God. And I say to you, 'Do not be afraid. I am here to help you.'
Isaiah 41:13 (I love the image of God holding my hand when I read this passage.)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For out momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far out-weighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Perseverance
To pesevere by definition means to constantly refuse to give up or let go in adhering to a course of action, a belief, or a purpose. Ooh! I love that definition. That's why I named this blog "Perseverance," I refuse to give up. These verses encourage my refusal.

Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
James 1:2-4 (This excites me! My trials, as long as I am patient with God and persevere, will mold me into the likeness of Christ!)

But we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
Romans 5:3-5

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.
Psalm 37:7 (This simple verse has helped me to realize that when God does not answer my prayers, I must be patient and persitent. I will continue to seek Him and wait for Him to show up.)

Writing and organizing my thoughts in this blog helps to heal my spirit and recognize God in the midst of my despair. God has everything under control. I will maintain my faith in who He is, and know that as long as I persevere I will make it through this, hopefully more like Christ.