Buckets

Today was my first day at Troy, and I am stressed! Between buying books, parking, and doing online assignments when the internet is down, I am wiped.  I have also been given the responsibility of managing my own classroom in the Extended Day Program this year.  I have a classroom of unruly kindergarteners and no furniture.  I haven't been able to sleep well in a couple of weeks because of my illness, and I can feel the weight of the world slowly squishing me into a nauseated pulp.  I cry because I'm exhausted, sick, and frustrated.  In order to counter the weight of it all, I hit the books.

I have just started a new book for my quiet time with God.  It's called Holding on to Hope.  It follows the life of Job, a man to whom I can sort of relate.  Today's chapter was perfectly titled Tears, and I would like to share what's on my heart.

I think we expect faith to make things hurt less, but it doesn't.  Our faith gives us an incredible amount of strength and encouragement, but it doesn't make it hurt less.

Put into words like that I finally realize that when I feel the hurt of being sick, it doesn't mean 

that my faith is any weaker. It simply means that I am human, and feeling the physical frustration

of this illness. My faith was designed to be a shield around my emotions, to deflect any harm crossing

my path. No, it was designed to shield that unconditional belief in God, to draw strength from

His Word and to trust Him no matter what. It's okay to feel hurt, but not to lose faith.

Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then shaved his head and fell before God.

Job 1:20

I think too often I cry in secret and carry my bucket of tears around with me. I don't share my

burden. I'm afraid to inconvenience anyone, plus I'm so stubborn that I want to try to get through

this alone. So I put on my happy face and pretend that everything is okay. A lot of times, it's not.

I have learned that I need to share my buckets with those who care because the burden of the load

has worn me out and weakened my faith. God has blessed me with a wonderful family who would

like to carry a bucket every once in a while when I need it the most. Openly unloading the buckets

of tears like Job is actually part of the healing process. God wants us to share our burdens with

fellow Christians, and likewise carry buckets from others. It's part of working together in the body

of Christ.

I am excited about continuing this study on Job. I want to learn to cope in a way that blesses God.

I'm holding on to hope, and I will never, ever let go.

Thank you, God, for your blessings upon me! You have already spoken to me through this study

and I am thankful to You for that. Help me to keep my faith strong by understanding that tears are

part of the healing process, and that it's okay to share my buckets with others, especially You.

By unloading my buckets onto You, I am showing You that I trust You to help carry my burden, and

that You know what to do, not me! Thank you for the children in my new classroom! I m looking

forward to a wonderful year! Teach them through me. Show me how to minister to each and every

one. Thank you for the strength to drive to Troy everyday. Help me to be a witness on this new campus!

I love you!